Being in the “in between”
What I’m about to share goes against every business rule in the book.
In business, you don’t share any weaknesses. Even when people preach vulnerability, there are ways to do it in a restrained manner. A way to spin it into a positive - kind of like when you get asked “What is your biggest weakness?” in an interview, and you respond with “I’m a perfectionist.”
Today, I felt called to share something that’s ugly…but it’s real. The ‘before’ without the ‘after.’
I’m still figuring out what exactly I do.
July 2020 was when I first realized I wanted to coach. The big question was: what does my coaching do? What specifically do I help someone with?
Fun fact: I got my first coaching client without having those answers. It was someone I knew, not super closely, who when she found out I was coaching said, “I want to work with you!”
That’s basically the Holy Grail of business. Someone reaches out to you, that’s had exposure to you vs marketing, and wants to work with you.
Amazing! And yet, how the f*ck do I replicate that?
She knew me because of an old service I offered. I had been a speaker in her community. When I told her I was going to coach, she wanted in.
My brain and being felt, and still feels for right or wrong, that in order to try and replicate some of that, I needed to be able to tell people what I do.
It’s not just in my head. I’ve had many people say they love to refer me, but they haven’t because they don’t know what I do.
So for the last couple of years, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.
During this time, I’ve experimented. I’ve learned a lot about what I don’t like to do. I’ve created offers and services. I’ve had clients. I got focused on how to describe what I do, to the point I fell off track and forgot that I needed to figure out the what before I could get to the how.
To be honest, I feel like I’ve tried everything. Different strategies. Focusing solely on mindset. Found myself. Learned spiritual tools and had a spiritual awakening. Tried to focus only on a program at a time.
And yet here I am. Progress, but not at the finish line. Close, but not in the “after” stage.
I gave myself a deadline.
November 1st, is when I’m putting a stake in the ground.
From what I know with my Human Design, trying to push this, wasn’t going to help. Instead, I took part of the weekend to indulge in one the systems I’m currently studying. It led to some pretty big insights.
My “all or nothing” mentality is STRONG. If I can’t go all in, if I don’t feel all in, I do nothing.
As much as I’ve tried to fight this, it is what it is. So what does it look like if I accept this aspect of myself? Do I give myself more time?
Part of this is driven by the last 5 years I worked for other people. Gaslighting. Toxicity. Corporate bullshit. Bullies. Mold exposure in the workplace. Unrealistic hours. It was an epic shit show. I was so miserable, and so stressed, I absolutely refuse to do something I don’t love. Refuse.
This is my raw truth.
My actual experience. Not the watered-down, sugar-coated b.s. we see online all the time.
Starting a business because I was done working for other people.
Done doing work that didn’t fuel me. Done doing the thing I was good at, and had been doing for 18 years.
Starting a business from scratch, impulsively, and not as a side business.
Recognizing that the thing I was damn good at - marketing strategy - and known for, is not what lights me up. i.e. I wasn’t going to have a marketing business.
Figuring out who I am, underneath all the chaos from my years in corporate and agency life.
Understanding that all of this takes time, and I’m not exactly patient.
Cultivating patience is hard. It’s been baby steps at a time.
Putting some stakes in the ground, and being ok when they stopped feeling quite right.
Case in point: this. There are elements here, but let’s be honest, it’s a mouthful.
Acknowledging that figuring out my own stuff doesn’t invalidate the work I’ve done, or am doing, with my clients. Not having things perfectly figured out behind the scenes, doesn’t mean I can’t help people.
Yes, we know that running a business can be messy.
That there are times it won’t feel easy.
Times where we’re in progress. In the ‘in between.’
Being in these times doesn’t mean we have to stop everything we’re doing.
We can still be working while we’re evolving.